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This weekend I am re-connecting with the glue that gives my life the texture and richness bright swirls cloudy dark nights and most of all the love in my heart.

Yesterday I watched my daughter navigate her day, and a busy day it was, with competence humor and grace and in all of the potential holiday craziness, I had several occasions when I said out loud, to myself ~ you are my family ~ you own a big big chunk of my heart ~

Today I will be spending time with my sister and as much as we can push one another’s buttons, we can make the other one laugh harder and longer than any other human on the planet can. We are sisters. I am thinking that there will be an occasion or two when I might gaze at her and say the same words ~ you are my family ~ you own a big big chunk of my heart ~

These times are the best of the holiday season ~ I am a lucky and grateful woman today ~ my family is near ~ within hugging range ~

Winter solstice is closing in on us here in the Land of Growing Darker by the Minute Winter Wonder North Land. We are losing only a little over one minute of daylight per day at this point and before the big day arrives, the loss will be under a minute.

Those seconds and minutes add up. Fast.
Actually they subtract. Fast.
From the daylight.

We are so close to the Winter Solstice that my psyche has already begun its celebration and welcoming back of the light.

So close ~
the countdown is under way ~

Holiday tunes
in my head

New ones. Old ones.
Some invited
not so much.

Each playing to the
beat of their own
little drum ~
@ junemoon 2011

Later today, I am scheduled to board an airplane which will connect me to another airplane which is then scheduled to deliver me back to the Land of Frozen Frosty and Downright Cold Far North Land.

As a result of these scheduled plans, I find myself in need of immediate use of a working and readable Global Positioning System (GPS). This is proactive planning ahead for the just in case scenario that I mis-locate my current state of joy and being stoked with life and living. Let’s be real. It could happen.

And if I do lose my way, fall sharply out of sync with my recently re-acquaintance with exuberance for living a fully engaged and participatory life, I want to be able to find my way back.


I am content with the content of my life in this moment in time and space on this Earth planet in this Universe and this galaxy.

This contentment has been a long time coming and the experience may be fleeting but in this moment at this juncture in time, nothing detracts from

my contentment ~

‘Tis the holiday season and no one could miss the sales spin on the merriest holiday of the year. Right?

But what about the heart and soul spin of this wintry wonderland’s holiday fest? Where do authentic emotions and heartfelt thanks-giving and joy-full memories of holidays from yesteryear fit in to all of this merriment?

In my work, I see family after family who are all stressed and strained out with financial pressure to create a mythical picture perfect awesome memory packed event.


And No they do not want a hug. In fact, get the heck away from them and give them some space to re-charge their batteries so they can return to the good fight in the anxiety riddled malls of America. All in the hopes that their loved ones will have this mythical picture perfect awesome memory packed event we call the holidays. But most importantly of all, so that their families will love them.

Folks, I know of what I speak. I did all of the above for all of the years that my daughter lived under my roof. No matter what rental we lived in, that rental became Holiday Central beginning on Thanksgiving weekend when I began baking tray after tray of cookies and fruitcakes [please forgive me, for I have distributed fruitcakes as gifts] and not ending until after the first of January.

There were the holidays with trees so tall and full that they had to be winched up over the deck into the second floor living room, there were years where I sat up all night after the open house on Christmas Eve, putting together Santa’s gifts. Colorful lights were strung inside and out, with lit up garage sale Santa’s and Frosty’s.

My daughter remembers barely one of these Decembers ~ a memory snippet here and there.

The one we both remember was one of the holidays when I was very financially poor and Care Bears were the rage. Oh how my daughter yearned for one of those little stuffed up darlings. And oh how I could not afford one. I ended up purchasing a less expensive light blue stuffed up bear the size of the prized Care Bear, cutting out a dark blue heart from an old shirt, embroidering the word L O V E and stitched it onto the bear’s chest. Quite the feat for someone who didn’t and still doesn’t sew worth a dang.

My daughter named this bear Blue-y and she did, indeed, love him.
And me.

I remind myself of this memory and these facts whenever the urge to buy my way into the heart’s of loved ones or to re-board the train traveling to the mythical picture perfect awesome memory packed holiday, strikes.

I remind myself that there is no need. That there is no such place other than in the myth.
I remind myself that I am already loved by those whom my heart holds dear.
I remind each of you that the same is true in each of our lives ~ we are loved ~ each and every day of the year.

I bargain with myself as I walk beside the edge of this astoundingly gorgeous ocean.
The back and forth sounds a lot like this ~

Shell Seeker Self: You have chosen some cool, as in uber cool shells. You have enough.

Beach Walker Self: Okay. You’re right, oh Wise One. No need to be a greedy shell gut.

Shell Seeker Self: Yep. Enough beachcombing for this morning. Now onto the walk part.

Beach Walker Self: Great! All on board for a beach stroll.

Shell Seeker Self: Ahhhh, this feels so good ~ just me on the beach walking and… What do I spy with my little brown eye?

Beach Walker Self: Go by, go by ~ be strong ~

Shell Seeker Self: [Slowing pace ~ stopping ~ squatting ~ picking up ~ gathering]

Beach Walker Self: It’s okay. We all have minor slips now and then. Come on, get your stroll back on.

Shell Seeker Self: Oh Alright, already. [Said in non-compliant voice]

Beach Walker Self: Think of this as your aerobic exercise for the day in a beautiful location.

Shell Seeker Self: Better yet ~ let’s think of this as MY vacation. [Slowing pace ~ stopping ~ squatting ~ picking up ~ gathering]

Beach Walker Self: Well if you can’t beat them, join them [Slowing pace ~ stopping ~ squatting ~ picking up ~ gathering]

~ And a grand time continues to be shared by all ~

As in totally. Stoked.

Who says that any more?
Other than me, that is.

I don’t care if I am the only one on the planet still using such a word and phrase. Never was one to conform.

Makes no never mind, anywho.
‘Cuz it wouldn’t change a thing ~
I am stoked ~ totally ~ utterly ~ stoked.

That is what the sun ~ sand ~ ocean waves ~ pelican sightings ~ breeze + a clear calendar =’s in this woman’s life and times ~

Stoked on life.
Gotz me feelin’ groovy.
As in cool beans, man.
Like totally.
I’m all in, my friend.
Stoked ~

Where I am vacationing this week the talk, the buzz word amongst the locals, is “unseasonably,” as in unseasonably cold. Visitors such as myself are easily distinguishable from the permanent citizenry by our difference in outdoors apparel, ranging from shorts and a flip flop sighting here and there to the down jacketed and cashmere scarved folks.

Unseasonably translates differently depending on where the visitors hail from ~ their home average temperature for the month of Decemeber.

For me, the traveler from the Land of the Frozen Faced Ones From a Far Distant North Land, this unseasonable is tantamount to summer temps. I am not sporting shorts and a flip flop is not within my reach. However, there is a big smile plastered to my face.

My feet are happy to walk on the beautiful sandy beaches.
My eyes search the ground for sea shells.
My ears listen to the soothing sounds of the waves.
The breeze is bracing and reminds me over and over again that I am glad to be alive.

Unseasonable aliveness.

Tonight I am scheduled to leave on the proverbial red-eye flight. Scheduled to take my leave of this winter wonderland, this Frozen for a Good Long While North Land. I will be heading to warmer climes with daylight that persists past 3:45 in the afternoon.

That is if those Santa Ana winds take mercy on the skies and let the airplane I will be packed onto hang in the regions above firm ground. I am hoping, quite fiercely, that the Santa Anas are a bit worn out from their recent show of power.

When I return to the Land of Snow Ice and Cold of the North Land, we will be closer to one of my most favorite of all days in the winter ~ solstice. The day that we stop losing daylight and soon begin re-gaining those precious minutes of light.

Winter solstice does not herald the end of winter. Winter weather continues here in this region of the planet well into March and April. Winter solstice does bring back the element that makes the 5th and 6th months of winter more bearable ~ light and potential sunshine.

For now, I will take my leave ~ re-charge my internal batteries ~ soak in some sun rays ~ walk along the edge of the ocean and listen to its ever changing song.

January 2020
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