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Break up.  That’s what the spring thaw in the Far North Land is often called.  Break up.  These two words encompass everything from the literal breaking up of sheets of thick ice to the gradual thawing of the mountains of dirty snow to the constant dripping of icicles from snow laden rooftops.

And then there is the gradual thaw or re-awakening of sun starved spirits.  In my case, not so much a break up as a slow unfurling of spirit shriveled & curled tight against the frigid temperature & darkness.  An audible sigh escapes my lips as I dare take in deep breaths of spring air without fear of frostbiting my lungs.  A turned up face to the blue sky & light that now stretches well into the evening hours.

Every spring finds me tripping on gratitude for having survived another winter.  A heart’s thanksgiving that the gradual thaw is progressing & taking me along for the ride.

2015.

I’ve been away, elsewhere and not here since 2015.  Or the last time I was here, the calendar year was 2015.

And now I must re-familiarize myself on how to even post an entry.  Learn all of the new fancy bells & whistles of the blogging world.  Who am I kidding?  The most I will probably do is figure out how to add an entry.  At least for now, unless I re-commit to daily (or almost) posts.

While being not here for the past two years I have been a busy bee & much living & multiple adventures have washed under the proverbial bridge or down the river & multiple new moons have transitioned to full ones.  The most significant changes & life events have been moving out of state & then back again within a 12-month cycle.  Beginning a new job, accepting a promotion & then immediately resigning from said promotion within a month & returning to the ‘home’ state.  Within that 12-month period, I also lived in three different rentals, committed to the last rental & began putting down roots.  Literally.  Succulents were purchased, repotted & ultimately re-homed.  Furniture & home furnishings bought & assembled as needed & within three months, released.

Yes.  The Big Purge of Material Possessions took place, AGAIN.

Another very long Road Trip happened, AGAIN.

Reason?

My daughter’s medical emergency.  She needed her mama.  My daughter needed me.  And so…

And seven months later, I remain a virtual stranger in familiar surroundings & homeless to boot.  Not in the literal sense of the word I suppose as I have had a roof over my head & even my own bathroom as I have been existing (aka living) in my ex-partner’s whom I am still legally married to, condo. I have not worked or earned any money for the past seven+ months. My biggest accomplishment has been surviving the last seven+ months.

Huge. This accomplishment. Very large. Being still alive. Humongous. Weathering grief, winter’s frigid darkness.

Today I can believe spring has arrived or at the very least is well on its way. I can believe that Old Man Winter cannot & most importantly, will not, last forever. Today the return from a long long hibernation continues, fueled by renewed energy & long daylight hours. Ahhhh, yes. The light has returned to the Far North Land. Finally.

And I begin the preparations for or at the very least the hope of leaving ‘home’ once again. Yep. Yup. Affirmative. Yes. This tumbling tumbleweed is hoping to move, to blow this pop stand, to relocate, to begin anew, to head down the old highway. AGAIN.

A second job interview, this one in person, is scheduled in three weeks in a faraway place. I am on the path to a new adventure. AGAIN.

Life.

Horizons. New.

AGAIN.

already here.  the day that was yesterday that was meant to be the other day so that I could write a post on my blog today two days ago.  but it, the day, or more aptly put, the days already have passed.  so quickly.  they are gone.  history.

And so it is

that I am here in this moment writing that I am still here in the blogosphere.  That my blog is always in my heart and never far from my conscious thoughts.  Even when those thoughts and ideas and emotions and happenings and daily minutia and big deals and little ordeals don’t make it onto the screen ~ I am still here.

And so it is

that autumn has returned to the Land of Already Freezing Ground North Land.  The past few days have gifted us with glorious sun.  Golden sun rays that followed weeks of record rain fall, and record windstorms and flooding.

And so it is

that the sun is loved and beloved and cherished

by me.

Big news ~ that little diddy.

And so it is

that I am pleased to write some words on this first day of October.  to write some words on any day actually.  just glad.

The unmistakable trumpet of Canadian geese pierced through the early morning airwaves and were received by my welcoming ears.  In the spring, these first honkings validate with assurance and confidence that winter is surely on the wane because there are new feathered sherrifs in town.  We know when the geese head south, so do our hopes of continued late summer and autumn joys.  Their departing audio conversations sound sad to those of us left behind.  Left behind to face a cold and icy future.   

But today, the Canadians are back and my heart jumped with joy for surely on their strong wings my prayers for winter’s end are answered.   

It is true. 

Prayers and wishes can, indeed, come true.

I do believe my region of the planet has taken its snowy place in the weather history books as the snowiest winter on record.  Fantabulous for winter enthusiasts I suppose.  But even those rosy cheeked ones must be getting just a teeny weeny tiny bit tired of the endless dumps gifts of snow. 

As for me, there’s the matter of roof leaks in my kitchen and limited vision from my windows as the snow deepens, rising up past the window casings.  There’s the growing craving for natural greenery.  There’s the daily shuffling and changing of outerwear to inside attire ~ the continual on-and-off of the boots, the hat, the scarf, the gloves and coat. 

Fatiguing of mind, body, heart and spirit for this particular Earth dweller. 

Ready for spring.  Ready for summer. 

Meanwhile, I suppose I’ll go help chisel the icy news of our snowy achievement into our frozen history books.

Plus 10 or 10 Plus or 10+

or

getting more grateful by the minute ~

Here in this corner of the planet where the hours of daylight have increased past 10 per 24 hour cycle, people like me are growing more ecstatic exponentially.  And the party shows no signs of abatement as summer solstice is still some months in front of us.  We are gaining 5+ minutes every single day. 

Woo Hoo! 

Hotdiggity!  Dogdiggity! 

Hallelujah and Amen. 

The growing natural light will be extended even further into the evening hours in just a little over a week when we spring forward an hour.  That is when drivers with nightblindness are freed from our dark winter prison.  Unjailed, to accept dinner invitations, run errands after work, visit with friends and family and hoot and holler while we drive, baby drive, after 3:30 PM. 

See what I mean?  There is hella’ lot to be hootin’ and hollerin’ rejoicin’  and revelin’ about up here where the returning of the light is a seasonal gift that keeps on giving for many months. 

Happy dance all around!  Go ahead, kick up your heels.  A simple yet awe inspiring gift from the Universe ~ No charge.  No fee.

Napping is good.  Whether the nap is taken sitting upright or lying down, either way, it’s all good.  I opted for such goodness yesterday afternoon and was rewarded with rich and varied dreams.  The extra interesting dreams may have been somewhat influenced by my lunch.  The lunch that was slightly, meaning well off, my current low sodium plan.  Can you say a foodie’s salty heaven?  Not to worry, I do not intend to continue veering off the diet forever.  Sometimes though, a triple decker turkey club sammie on lightly toasted whole wheat bread is worth this high risk behavior. 

Yes.  Either way.  Horizontally or vertically.  Napping is a good thing.  All snuggled up in one’s down duvet with loads of fluffy and firm pillows for added comfort. 

Did I mention yesterday was an overcast cold winter’s day?  It was and I did.  Nap. 

All good.  Way good.

Yes, let there be light.  And I don’t mean light-ly falling snow, although the snow continues to fall in this Land of the Good Winter Faeries and Sometimes Bad Winter Elves.  The light I make reference to is the returning daylight minutes, which the majority (meaning all but 1 or 2 chronic complaining types) welcome with great anticipation and appreciation.  Because here in this Land of Perpetual Winter Except for When It’s Not Winter, the darkness swoops in, takes over and is loathe to leave.  But leave us it must as the daylight minutes add up 5+ at a time with each passing day. 

My daughter’s parents-in-law visited from much sunnier and warmer climes this past Christmas and the father-in-law expressed not really understanding the big deal about Winter Solstice since he thought it would be much darker.  The implication was that we Northern Dwellers were just a bunch of whining Whinertons.  I might add that the in-laws arrived the day prior to our precious Solstice holiday with their psyches and souls all lit up from their much longer daylight days.  Daylight days that I might add that were mostly filled to the brim with sunshine and warmth with only the occasional falling rain drops.  The essence of this little vignette is that they knew not of which they spoke.  They spoke from a not knowing or some might say a place of sunlit ignorance.  Good people.  Just wrongly informed of the pervasive ill effects of daylight deprivation. 

But folks, we’re well on the other side of Winter Solstice and the minutes have quickly added up to hours and we are close to 9 hours of daylight, possible sunlight per day!  Oh happy day ~ oh happy day.  Sing it with me now ~ Oh happy day, oh sunny day ~

Consider my spirit considerably lightened ~ lit up from within, due to a large degree to the returning natural light.  Oh blessed be.

There can be no doubt left in anyone’s mind of which season has us in its icy grip. And if there was a smidgin of denial left in anyone’s psyche, the number of snowflakes that fell yesterday well into the darkness of the night would have smothered any such ability to compartmentalize or sidestep the fact that King Winter remains seated on his ice carved throne.

Weather records are being broken right and left all over the far flung regions in my corner of this planet. Phrases like “one of the five coldest winters in recorded history” and “the coldest winter in the past 40 years” to the north of us ~ and slightly southeast of my location “the heaviest snowfall on record” ~ to my very own little slice of frozen ground “the coldest month of January” and the “most snowfall to date” of any recorded winter.

Avalanches, collapsing buildings, frozen cheerleaders, massive numbers of moose deaths on highways and a backlog up to two weeks for plow service.

Giddy ski enthusiasts, manic snowboarders, adrenaline seeking snowmachiners and yards filled with snow angels.

Yeppers, folks. We’ve got us a winter goin’ on up in this Land of Yes Virginia It is Almost Always Winter in This Neck of the Woods.

I almost lost my mind
I almost went crazy
Buck Crazy,
almost went I, when I instinctively went to roll over on my left side while I was almost sleeping last night. Oh my oh my!

I caught my mind in mid-roll, or turn, since it is difficult to roll in an upright position. Yes, I was able to abort my craziness most likely saving myself from a severe visit from my Bastard Buddy Vertigo (BBV).

Sleep disturbances due to this BBV or more aptly put, trying to avoid visits from my unwelcome BBV, has left me a wee bit cranky and exhausted this week. Smushing my work week into four days in order to relish my three day weekends is well worth the long hours during those four work days. In fact this kind of flexible schedule helps greatly in keeping me an employee at this juncture in my career. But like all things, great and not so great, there’s always the accompanying perks and detractors. The downside of the deal is that I am often done in and used up by the time I unlock my front door and walk into my sweet abode at the end of the day.

Long hours, tired brain, sleep disruption, upgrading my smart phone and figuring out all of the new technology, changes and uncertainty in the workplace, sleeping upright for almost 13 months and uber cold and still too dark days have taken their toll this week.

But you know what?
I am ever so grateful that I stopped my body from following the crazy not good for me impulse`to roll over. Cuz I know from past experience that nothing good was going to come of that and that the quality of my life could have taken a nose dive (no pun intended but apropos). I’ll take a little grumpy and a mediocre exhaustion over longlasting vertigo attacks any day or night.

That, and the fact that winter is passing and we are gaining 5 minutes of daylight back daily, have me almost feeling good to go. Good thing that I have a little while to sip my hot comforting tea from my favorita pottery mug before I have to go about my day outside of my warm home.

June 2017
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