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Somewhere and sometime along the way on this journey of mine on this particular circuitous path that I tread called my life, I let go of the hope of finding my first mother, my omma.  In the beginning as a child, I barely dared even think of her even when I was sleeping ~ dreaming about this most precious woman in the whole wide world.  And then in adulthood, I defied all that I had been taught and brainwashed to believe by my adoptive mother, and took the lid off the hole in my heart where this yearning for my birth mother lived.  This hope was faint but thrumming with the rhythm of my heartbeat and sprang fully alive with urgings from my thoughts, dreams and fantasies of this mystery woman’s face, touch and fragrance. 

So today the realization that the hope is reduced, once again, to barely a flutter now and again, is startling. 

Hope and hunger, however, are two separate states of being.  For I still long for this woman, my creator.  Longing that aches to my very soul.  Even with my dim hope that I will ever find her on this planet, in the form of my first omma, the yearning is still present.  She is somewhere.  Perhaps over the proverbial rainbow.  Maybe existing on another plane in a different form.  But, somewhere there exists is at least a remnant of this one whom I have gone without for ever so long. 

Happy Mother’s Day Omma from your daughter aka Korean adoptee, junemoon.

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Life in the moment is good.  Very good.  Too good.  At least too good to wait until November to formally give our honor and thanks~giving for this abundant life. 

So my family and I are gathering this evening for a spring Thanksgiving Feast.  There will be the American dinner icons ~ turkey, mashed taters, gravy all served up with loads of yummy side dishes.  My daughter sparked the idea last week and the rest of her clan quickly climbed onboard. 

Life is good.  And when it is this good, one must eat.  Eat delicious homecooked food and sip a bubbly beverage, or two.  And you know me, who am I to swim against the tide ~ at least when it comes to celebrations.

Yes, let there be light.  And I don’t mean light-ly falling snow, although the snow continues to fall in this Land of the Good Winter Faeries and Sometimes Bad Winter Elves.  The light I make reference to is the returning daylight minutes, which the majority (meaning all but 1 or 2 chronic complaining types) welcome with great anticipation and appreciation.  Because here in this Land of Perpetual Winter Except for When It’s Not Winter, the darkness swoops in, takes over and is loathe to leave.  But leave us it must as the daylight minutes add up 5+ at a time with each passing day. 

My daughter’s parents-in-law visited from much sunnier and warmer climes this past Christmas and the father-in-law expressed not really understanding the big deal about Winter Solstice since he thought it would be much darker.  The implication was that we Northern Dwellers were just a bunch of whining Whinertons.  I might add that the in-laws arrived the day prior to our precious Solstice holiday with their psyches and souls all lit up from their much longer daylight days.  Daylight days that I might add that were mostly filled to the brim with sunshine and warmth with only the occasional falling rain drops.  The essence of this little vignette is that they knew not of which they spoke.  They spoke from a not knowing or some might say a place of sunlit ignorance.  Good people.  Just wrongly informed of the pervasive ill effects of daylight deprivation. 

But folks, we’re well on the other side of Winter Solstice and the minutes have quickly added up to hours and we are close to 9 hours of daylight, possible sunlight per day!  Oh happy day ~ oh happy day.  Sing it with me now ~ Oh happy day, oh sunny day ~

Consider my spirit considerably lightened ~ lit up from within, due to a large degree to the returning natural light.  Oh blessed be.

Today is set aside for quiet tasks and introspective thoughts.
A perfect plan for a frosty cold day.

The view from my many windows reveals a wintry landscape of white crystalled trees and mounds of snow. While inside my warm abode I am toasty and content. This period of grace has been with me for a while now and I am soaking it up and into my physical spiritual and emotional pores.

Today, I am thinking of the items to include in my time in a box project.

I am also gathering my many trinkets baubles and shiny pieces with which I adorn myself daily. Beads, silver, crystals, semi-precious stones ~ all my lovelies. Gathering them and hopefully fashioning a system of easy viewing and selection for those early morning gotta-get-to-work scenarios.

Human doings, while my mind sifts through memories of this past year and begins laying a foundation for the current one. Reflecting ~ considering ~ a few good-byes and more than a few budding interests ~ hopes and dreams.

Quietly living my life today in this warm home on this wintery second day of the new year.

A bright and shiny new leaf is now on full display.  This calendar year is brand spanking new and filled to the brim with potential for goodness greatness and gladness. 

I feel a sense of promise and a lightness of being with the prospect of this changing of the guard.  Psychological underpinnings I am sure.  After all, this first day of the first month of this particular new year is arbitrary and yet another attempt by my species to control even time ~ over which we mere mortals simply have not the right nor expertise.

Makes no never mind. 

Not in my psyche heart nor spirit.  Not today  Not in this moment.
For in this particular moment, on this first day of the first month of this fresh new year, I feel a synchornicity with life and a simple joy in being alive that I have not felt in a very long long time.

So whether this year unfolds as a bright and shiny joy ride or a quiet contemplative exercise in living, I am grateful to have a demarcation of the old and the new ~ the already lived and the yet to come.

Happy New Year ~

The last chapter is coming to a close on the year of 2011 and a true page turner this calendar year has been. Given the health challenges that were included in this particular year book, I can honestly say that this is a year that I am happy to read The End on the closing credits.

Of course there is always a Page 2 or the Other Side of any any story and that is true with this 2011 novel. Along with the challenges and out-and-out horrid vignettes there have been positive movement forward, new beginnings and reclaiming of some good stuff lost along the way.

So I am not exactly saying to 2011 to not let the book cover slap it on the butt on its way out… nor am I saying even a good riddance followed by an irritated harrumph…

At least not totally.

What I am stating, however, is that I am looking mighty forward to this new calendar year, this new book of 2012. Because at this juncture, before the cover page has even been turned, the year holds promise after promise ~ potential after potential ~ hope after hope and wish after wish, for a solidly great read filled with high adventure, laughter, a few tears of gratitude, and vigorous living.

But before I get too far ahead of myself, I must remind us that we are not quite finished with the current reading of our 2011 book. Just a few more pages to go but remember that some of the really good stuff happens right before the story comes to a close.

Waking to a peaceful quiet this Christmas morning, my thoughts turned immediately to the blessings in my life ~ of which there are many. A humbling exercise of gratitude.

How is it that I have so much at this juncture in time? So much life, so much healing taking place inside my mind, body, psyche and soul, so much love, so much ability to experience living on multiple levels, so much sustenance providing food and clean water and so much wonder and delight.

I am blessed. Indeed.
Over and over and over, again.

I do not want to squander a single solitary moment of this blessed life that I am given.

We have passed the Winter Solstice here in the Gloaming That We North Lander’s Call Winter. Yesterday we gained 2 seconds of extra daylight and today we quickly added 14 more precious minutes of daylight ~ all within a 24 hour cycle.

So tonight I am planning on doing what any properly grateful daylight lover would do and I am hosting a Winter Solstice Celebration at mi casa. There will be a small group of joyous revelers joining together to celebrate this magnificent annual event.

We will lift our cups of Hot Gingerbread Punch replete with whipped cream and cinnamon spice on top and pronounce that life has just gotten 16 minutes lighter than three days ago.

I wish you could be here to join in the merriment ~ I truly do.

Well not quite, decked and sparkled out, yet. But I’m moving in that direction and soon my little 1970’s ranch style duplex rental will be properly attired to welcome the holiday and solstice season.

No holiday tree for me again this year and I have had a moment here and there of bumming hard about the lack of the real deal greenery. It’s okay though. Soon I will be filling ginger jars and Mexican blown glass pitchers with glowing holiday lights and surrounding them with shiny and sparkly glass baubles. Yes, soon the home and hearth will be looking full on glittered up.

And then there are the handmade fabric stuffed Frosty’s, the lit from within ceramic holiday trees and other precious ornaments from yesteryear that will be so happy to be sprung from their packing crates. They will sit proudly on bookshelves, mantel, table tops and counters, awaiting the compliments and soft caresses sure to come their way ~ soon.

So I best get busy ~
As soon as I finish sipping this cup of spicy tea ~

This weekend I am re-connecting with the glue that gives my life the texture and richness bright swirls cloudy dark nights and most of all the love in my heart.

Yesterday I watched my daughter navigate her day, and a busy day it was, with competence humor and grace and in all of the potential holiday craziness, I had several occasions when I said out loud, to myself ~ you are my family ~ you own a big big chunk of my heart ~

Today I will be spending time with my sister and as much as we can push one another’s buttons, we can make the other one laugh harder and longer than any other human on the planet can. We are sisters. I am thinking that there will be an occasion or two when I might gaze at her and say the same words ~ you are my family ~ you own a big big chunk of my heart ~

These times are the best of the holiday season ~ I am a lucky and grateful woman today ~ my family is near ~ within hugging range ~

November 2017
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