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You know that old saying, the one that goes something like, be careful for what you wish, you might just receive it or some such thing.  I have never been a big fan of that particular saying.  As life seems to enjoy a good laugh or two, at my expense (or so it seems), this week I have heard myself iterating this phrase and then I suppose reiterating the same saying.  Because I did make a wish and I am, indeed, receiving said wish.

In fact, I did more than send a wish into the Universe.  I crafted an invitation.  An invitation to a celebration, a party if you will in honor of myself.  Yes.  You read that correctly.  I, as in me, myself and I.  A celebration of MY LIFE to coincide with one of my favorita days of the year Summer Solstice (the other favorita days of the year, Winter Solstice).  I crafted this invitation and then sent it out into the Universe to invitees both local and to those who live in what we fondly refer to as the Lower 48, even though there are 49 other states in the Union.  Some folks may be wondering what are we even considering here?  What’s the big deal?  Where’s the problem?  What is this post even about?  Well, read further dear blogging friends and I will further bare my fragile vulnerable underbelly of neurosis.

In sending this invitation, I was telling myself Number One, that I am valuable enough and could possibly be important enough to someone(s)’ that they would/will take time out of their lives to journey North to celebrate my life.  For those invitees from Outside there would/will be the travel expense, which is no small ‘taters.  The moment I hit the send button on my email invitation the anxiety that had already built to about a 4 on a 1-10 scale, hit about an 8.  That old and tired but loud whiny voice of who do you think you are little Missy and you are a selfish self-centered little girl aren’t you today blah blah blah took over.  Thankfully, before this part of me could overtake me and tackle me into the mud, I began receiving responses to my invitation within a half hour of its flight.

Thus, this week has been a life lesson of opening my heart again and again to the love that is there for me to receive.  Although overwhelming, I remind myself that I am a growed up woman, as my adoptive mother used to say about herself.  And a little or even a lot of overwhelm over receiving a lot of love from family and friends is some thing a growed up woman can handle on any given day.

My heart is full.

My heart is full and expanding.

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Oh my gosh, I have been absent for far too long from my beloved blog. My absence has not been due to laziness, lack of interest on my part, being in a pissed off mood at the blogging community or a churlish attitude in general.  Here is the true unvarnished, un-spun, authentic deal ~ I have been ill, very ill, for a very long time.  For over two years now.  I have shared about my Unwanted and Un-invited Bastard Buddy Vertigo (BBV) who swooped in for an extended visit and decided not to depart, right?  Well, nine months ago a new uninvited health hazard Bastard arrived on my doorstep and the BBV invited him into my home and my body.

All of this is to say, that I have been fighting, literally, for my ability to remain in my physical self on this Earth plane.  However, when I finally hit the lowest of my low a couple of months ago, I chose to re-claim my healing and to stop looking outward to supposed “experts” such as Western medicine and naturopaths, etc., who were not helping, to say the very least.  I also made the decision to place the focus of my energies on my spiritual practices and return to my creative writing and visual art, both of which spark my will to live and make the most meaning in my life.  Throughout this entire journey, I have continued to work and provide psychotherapy services to adolescent youth and their families.

I have missed my little blog.  I have missed being a part of the blogging community and the connections I have made here.  I maintain a Facebook account using my legal name, however, due to the nature of my professional life, am not comfortable co-mingling the two worlds.  What I am hoping is that now that I have taken this step of writing a post today that I will be more active once again with my little blog.  Most likely not daily but more frequently than once every quarter.

I am thrilled to report that my creative writing is on fire and there is much movement in that area.  There is goodness in this world and even though my faith and spirits come and go and I am a fickle creature, I do believe that my struggles are not in vain.  Sending out love, compassionate caring and peaceful energy in these early morning hours this Saturday morning.

already here.  the day that was yesterday that was meant to be the other day so that I could write a post on my blog today two days ago.  but it, the day, or more aptly put, the days already have passed.  so quickly.  they are gone.  history.

And so it is

that I am here in this moment writing that I am still here in the blogosphere.  That my blog is always in my heart and never far from my conscious thoughts.  Even when those thoughts and ideas and emotions and happenings and daily minutia and big deals and little ordeals don’t make it onto the screen ~ I am still here.

And so it is

that autumn has returned to the Land of Already Freezing Ground North Land.  The past few days have gifted us with glorious sun.  Golden sun rays that followed weeks of record rain fall, and record windstorms and flooding.

And so it is

that the sun is loved and beloved and cherished

by me.

Big news ~ that little diddy.

And so it is

that I am pleased to write some words on this first day of October.  to write some words on any day actually.  just glad.

McKenzie over at mommysaidaswearword has given me my first (ever) super (duper) cool blogging award. Wow! Not only did I WIN an award but it was gifted to me by a sister blogger whose words and sharing I respect and utterly appreciate ~ McKenzie makes me laugh out loud and think and ponder ~ all pasttimes that I enjoy.

In accepting the award, I am tasked with sharing seven (7) secrets about myself. That’s a thinker, that task is. I already have the 62 trivial and tantalizing tidbits about myself page to my little blog… But hey, we all harbor secrets, right? Our shadow selves? Our too quirky to still be considered eccentric components. Right?? Okay here goes, the big “reveal” (re-appropriating an HGTV term) ~ hope we’re still buddies at the end ~

1 ~ I haven’t met any kind of goat cheese that I like, so far.

2 ~ I eat popcorn one kernel at a time and have been known to look down upon folks who shovel hand-fulls into their open gaping sometimes still chomping on the last hand-full, mouths. (Yes, I do understand that judging others is wrong. completely wrong minded. twisted. and tainted.)

3 ~ I, along with thousands of others, dread to see babies and little tykes boarding the same airplane that I will be tortured flying on. No matter how cute. or beautiful. the little one is. I feel dread and the internal begging begins, which goes akin to this, “dear god, please oh please oh please oh please, do not have me sitting beside the baby.” (Yes, I do know that it is not the infant’s fault that they cry ~ their poor little ears hurt. And yes, I do know that the tyke who keeps kicking the back of my ill fitting seat is not the devil’s spawn but, instead, a poor wee one who is as sick as I am of being cooped up like an everdead sardine.) I still say the endless loop prayer.

4 ~ When I am really super stressed, I fantasize about the perfect home ~ the location, the floors (polished stained concrete, hardwood, bamboo) ~ the views…

5 ~ I love, as in deeply, love my smart phone. (Yes, I understand that it is wrong minded to love an inanimate object, a mere piece of technology ~ but, I do and what’s more, I tell it so every day).

6 ~ I still do not know what I really look like even though I am more than half way through this life time. Glimpses, here and again. but nothing permanent or lasting.

7 ~ I still miss my first omma.

Well, that went quicker than I imagined it might. The second and last part of receiving this award is sharing 15 blogs that I follow and enjoy. Now, that’s a no problem sort of task. In fact, I am honored to list the following blogs and to encourage folks to check them out ~ some are uber funny, others contemplative in nature ~ but all of them have enriched my life in some fashion or another, time after time. Oh, and remember to check out mymommysaidaswearword afterall, McKenzie is the one who chose me to receive this fantastic award.

Happy reading ~

Terri’s Little Corner

all the elbows

KoreanHapa

Trailer Park Nirvana

Joy the Baker

The Wednesday Chef

My Parents Are Crazier Than Yours

One Crafty Girl!

Burnt Lumpia

Mixed American Life

Roboseyo

Urban Simplicity

Plum Bananas

An Apple A Day

Hello Korea!

This weekend I spent some time perusing a number of new-to-me blog sites. Some of my visits were short but sweet while others tarried over and savored. As you may imagine, by the time I closed my laptop I was saturated, stunned and inspired by the folks who are sharing their lives online. Folks similar to you and me simply sharing their likes and dislikes ~ things that make them sing with delight and things that make them roar with indignant rage ~ their life challenges and their life’s rewards ~ their muses and their demons.

Wow.

One of these bloggers wrote a simple paragraph about the three things she would save if she could take only three, from a burning home. What she chose made me ponder and then ask, really? Humans. An interesting bunch we are.

This blogger’s short paragraph got me to asking myself the same question. Hypothetical questions can keep me going for days if not weeks and months and the really juicy what if’s can entertain me for years, on end. In made-up situations we get to leave the burning building with three companinons or items or things or possessions or a combination of the aforementioned but are afforded the luxury of dropping them all on the sidewalk and running back for three more. Hypotheticals are like that. Ever expanding to accommodate anxieties, forgetfulness (oh I forgot my goldfish), and even mere changes of minds. The hypothesizer knows going into or out of the make believe burning home that they and their belongings are not in danger, at least from the pretend fire that is happening only in their heads at that moment.

In real life or a facsimile of one’s real life, who knows what we or in my case, I would snatch up or drag out with the flames licking at my heels.

But a small bit of reality has never done much to slow me down from living my life and entertaining myself so back to the original musing ~ what three things would I rescue from their smoke-filled fate.

Here’s what I’ve come up with, for today at least: 1) any living creature known to me (excluding insects and/or rodents ~ I know ~ I am cold hearted anthropomorphizing woman); 2) my important papers file (this is my hypothetical and if I say I have an important papers file already in existence, then I do, damnit); and, 3) paper money (enough said, I won’t go into detail about amount of said imagined money).

I think my three things prove to me all over again that I am not a romantic at heart. I think I already knew that part but these things require sussing out every now and then. Just to make sure. I am sure, however, that I am a blogger. I am also sure that being a blogger places me in great company with many many other folks who are sharing their lives one interesting post at a time.

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