Across
and
between
the should’s in my conscious
that point their sharpened brightly painted nailed fingers
at me,
almost in my face,
demanding that I be grateful
responsible
and by all means,
view my cup as half full and overflowing.
overflowing with plenty.
No matter
that I just received
and opened
a crap load of bills
and medical insurance information
stating that I get to pay
boat loads of monthly fees and payments
for the enviable benefit of insurance for my health.
But that my vertigo, my ailment,
my little bastard of a friend,
has been visiting so long he’s now
a pre-existing condition.
Damn me for taking myself into
the emergency room. finally.
30 days ago.
Bitching.
That’s what this is.
This. this. this.
freaking frustrating world
in which I live.
In which I am lucky
to live.
A feeling I
should
feel
or
at the very least,
be able to fake.
But right now, folks,
I got
nada.

@junemoon 2011

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