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I am forever amazed how the saying “like riding a bike” can be so wonk, as in whack, like in wassup dude – okay, not really so much on that last one but, how that saying is just plain wrong, a lot of the time. Maybe it’s because I learned how to ride a bike in my mid-20’s and not as a child. Or maybe it’s because the bike I learned on was hot pink and was at least 3rd or 4th-hand-me-down vintage and was a 3-speed that had to be held in 1st gear by a chunk of wire. Whatever the reason, that saying does not compute in my life.

In fact, I am regularly surprised and perplexed by how many learned skills one person, in this case me, can forget. Completely purge from the memory banks. At my stage in life, one might be considering memory issues brought on by Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia, early stage dementia, that would be. Perhaps I have the classic case of denial but I have completed a self-diagnosis (I am a doctor after all) and have ruled out those possible diagnoses. So I am left with a real head-scratcher.

Maybe since I claim to be, and am, a life long learner, an avid reader and researcher, maybe there is just so much new incoming information that old stuff just falls out of the equation to make room for the new and shiny. Or maybe that other saying “use it or lose it,” is applicable beyond body building and flexibility.

Anyway. What’s got me going on this conundrum today is that I am toying with starting another blog. Not a replacement blog to this one, just another blog. Therein lies the rub. I cannot seem to recall how to start a blog. Now I once learned how to do start a blog. Obviously. I have been blogging on this blog since December 2006. For real. And I am pretty sure that I was the creator of this blog as I was a grad student at the time and money was not available to outsource such a service.

So, as in other areas of my life, I find myself back at the proverbial blogging board. It’s like learning Powerpoint or Excel all over again, which, as you’ve probably already guessed, I’ve had to re-learn on more than one occasion. Geesh.

Better go find my chipped hot pink bike.

or WTR!? Last night and into today there is a lot of commotion going on here at my humble abode due to strong gusty winds. These sudden and then steady drafts of Northern Frigid air seem to have located all areas of weakness of this house, causing it to rattle and clunk and bang and sound unhinged. In fact, I do believe there is a loose hinge in a vent above the heater that may be the major culprit. This hinge fancies himself to be a first rate drummer in a head banger’s garage band and he’s not about to miss out on his one chance for the lime mic (as in lime light, get it?).

Good thing I like the wind, drums and head banger music. And good thing that I am not afraid to be alone at night in the dark with all sorts of potentially spooky sounds running amok, loudly.

deep gold or pale yellow
both delisio
in my belly
their brief
crack and sizzle
in salted

@junemoon 2011

Crunch. Munch.

As in munching down on some crunchy purple shredded cabbage, crisp chunks of red and white radishes, chopped green onions, fresh cilantro leaves stems and all, and a few salty black olive halves ~ all sittin’ pretty on top of a lightly toasted in hot oil, corn tortilla smeared with warm refried pinto beans ~ and topped off with a a shake or two or three of hot bright red salsa fuego. Now, that’s what I’m talkin’ about. Later today. I have me a date set with the aforedescribed crisp and luscious corn tortilla delight.

Life is slowly seeping back into this body and these bones. The spirit is returning to this physical form. The breath of living is being inhaled and lingering despair and self pity are being exhaled breath by breath. Along with this return to my life, comes an appetite for both comfort food ~ soft chewy savory creamy ~ and zest-full dishes ~ hot spicy crunchy and crisp. Always a good sign when I want to be cooking in my kitchen.

Simple. A simple soup is what is cooking in my little kitchen today. White beans plumped up from their overnight bath, now simmering away in chicken broth stock. Once the beans are al dente, they will be joined by a goodly amount of diced sweet yellow and white onions that have been softened from a quick saute in butter. Some bright orange carrots chunked up into irregular pieces will slip into the pot along with a few slices of light green celery. And then this whole hot pot will be lovingly seasoned with sea salt and a goodly dose of coarsely ground black pepper. Yes, a simple soup for a quiet day here in the woods.

My humble abode is fragranced with savory tones. Calming and soon to be nourishing for body, psyche, and soul. Nothing if not divine.

My little ceramic Christmas tree remains all it up just as it has been since the December holiday season. It stands about 12 or so inches tall and the multicolored lights glow from the small bulb hidden inside the tree’s ceramic core. I purchased a bigger version some years ago at a garage sale but like many of my belongings, it is packed away in a box in a heated storage unit in another town. The larger (about 2-feet tall) older version has seen better days and had been repaired with glue prior to being sold to the highest bidder.

Back in December I had been lamenting the fact that too many years had passed since I had decorated my very own holiday tree, when serendiptiously what should appear at the next craft table but the smaller version of the ceramic Christmas tree! My daughter quickly insisted on gifting me with the little guy, sweet woman that she is. And when I walked into my humble abode I immediately set it up on my desk where it has faithfully brightened my days and evenings ever since.

So the holiday season continues here in my little corner of the world, with my brightly lit desk tree and my 4-foot illuminated garage sale find Frosty the Snowman who has been emitting his soft glow on my east facing deck since October. In the Dark & Cold for Half the Year North Land, one takes and makes life’s pleasures one little lightbulb at a time.

Quick. Lest we be seen, I mean really viewed in our entirety, in the bright sun’s rays. The sun is shining again today in my corner of the world and I am quite liking and enjoying its late winter hint of warmth.

But the topic on my mind today isn’t so much about the sun but what we, what I, am comfortable revealing on this blog of mine. Or for that matter, in person, on Facebook, in essays and poems (published and unpublished), at work (when I have work), within my family, over dinner with a close friend, at the grocery, or while waiting in line, any line. What we, what I, consciously choose to share and what we, what I, unintentionally let slip, reveal, and bare for the world to see. That is assuming that the world gives a tinker’s damn about our, about my, covered up secrets or thinly concealed private holdings.

I have noticed a shyness or growing resistance on my part to share what is uppermost on my mind, the things that are important to me on this blog. As I posted earlier this week, there are some thoughts that are best self censored and are truly private and/or plainly ill matched to share on a blog. My curiousity today, however, is not so much about what is shared but the bits and pieces and entire elephants that are held back, not mentioned, out of fear that too much of ourselves, of me, will be visible. What is the big deal?

There are, of course, some commonsensical parameters or concerns such as past or future potential clients learning more about me than feels comfortable and the fact that family members and close friends have access, if they want, to this blog. But in the end, I believe we reveal so much about ourselves in the course of everyday living that any fears of being truly seen by others is most likely overblown. As in, totally. We fool ourselves into believing that people, even those closest to us, know only what we verbally tell them and yet it is plain that spoken words make up only a small percentage of how we learn.

So today as I go about my living I will be glad for the sun that is shining. I will do my best to remember that when it comes down to it, that there is very little left to hide that we haven’t already revealed in one way or another. And in the end, I doubt most of us will be regretting what we shared with others but, instead, wishing perhaps that we had shared just a little more of ourselves.

on my right shoulder streaming in through my east facing window. Sweet. Warm.

What’s more, the warm yellow rays are lighting up the snow laden spruce boughs. The soft white frost coating on the bare birch branches is disappearing, leaving the muted brown and tan bark unadorned. Oh sun, how I adore you.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to this little space on Earth ~

That’s what I have today to share on this blog. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zip. A big old blank.

Oh believe you me, there are plenty of thoughts rolling around and even some rants buffeting about in my head. But lucky for you, I am choosing to exercise a little thing called self restraint or common sense. Be glad. Cuz there isn’t much good that would come out of sharing on paper or electronic space the pitter patter of noisy babble currently going on in the old noggin’.

So for today I will simply say, “hey look, it’s snowing.” And, it is.

poppies, fireweed, and shells by the sea ~

These are just some of the images I search for today. Words inaccurate and puny in comparison to the mood and memory truly sought.

old farmhouses, wind chimes, a named beach on a stretch of ocean.

villages lived in, in previous lives in an earlier version of me.

Oh where I have traveled today. Oh the places that have been re-visited and experienced again. But most of all, how invigorating and calming, all at once, the salty briny ocean breeze! Just what this spiritual soul was craving.

February 2011
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