As I return to this blog, I feel that the content, these words are for me. My own. Mine. For the first time. When I was a virginal blogger (on a different site) I was ~ well I was, indeed, a blogger virgin ~ confused and frustrated with the where’s and what’s of constructing the blog. I enjoyed the novelty and the creativity blogging afforded me but felt unsatisfied with my the small blogging universe that I had chosen. The move to this site was prompted by wanting a deeper more inclusive dialogue with like-minded folks, including Korean adoptees. The relationship between blog and blogger was expanded and my enjoyment deepened.
Now, the pull to return is about the relationship between this blog and me, the blogger. The meaning of that sentence is unclear but the feeling is real. The connection being sought is with myself. The experience yearned for is the expression of my innards not so much for others’ consumption, understanding, compassion, or laughter but for rich, fiery, ah-hah moments with mine own spirit. All of that seems a bit daunting as I type that sentence. No wonder I have stayed away so long.
But who am I kidding? The desire to connect with others is alive. This desire drives my posts, my chosen words, my topics, every bit as much as my desire for self discovery. I mean, come on. If that were not the case, why would I choose to write online? I journaled the old-fashioned way in colorfully bound books for years and did not once have the urge to share my handwritten words with another soul ~ content to keep writing volume after volume. For many years. And now? I am not choosing to return to private brightly colored bound journals or what came later, the type-written laptop journal versions that I pass-coded from potential prying eyes. Instead, I have chosen to become a member of the Anywhere & Everywhere in the World Public Blogger’s Group.
Life demands that we change choose evolve. Blogging is one of my evolutionary changes. Apparently. The desire to connect with others remains an impetus to rekindle this blog. The desire, my desire, to plumb the depths of my interior world is a powerful pull. Pull. Pulled. Pushed. Yanked and twisted. Whatever. The energy flow is on the move and I suspect that the vortex will keep this baby spinning for some time.