being greener on the other side, that is.  For me when it comes to where I want to stay or put down roots, it seems to be about where I am at the moment.  When I am here in the lush greenery of the temporarily UnFrozen North Land, I begin to entertain scenarios of building a life closer to my family and longstanding friends.  When I am out in the Land of Something Always Blooming, I have had patches when I began to envision a life and clinical practice there.  and when I’m here at my blog, I want to write about the grasses and the fences dividing the two. 

Last evening while dining with a friend who has known me for 22+ years, I was reminded that the process of deciding does not have to be such a carnival dart throwing experience.  I might add that this friend is adept (very) at pragmatic thinking and separating emotional content from practical/rational choices.  So she mildly asked, well have you made the lists?  meaning the pro’s and con’s list of the either and the or.  I did not mention that for me there is always the maybe somewhere else, slinking around and burbling up in the mix.  I successfully avoided answering but we both knew from that non-answer that the answer was no.  No, I have not sat down, cleared my brain, set aside my emotions, and calmly and quickly written down all of the pro/con’s of each choice, including the big and the small, the silly sounding (when emotion is excised, nothing sounds silly), the minutia. 

Why?  why the procrastination of using such a simple tool to help de-cloud and de-mystify this ongoing conundrum?  Could it be that I am like the military character in the Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson movie ~ You want the truth?  You want the truth?  [yelled loudly with spittle flying]  Sir (or in my case, Lady), you can’t handle the truth!  *

Sooner or later I will move closer (pun sort of intended) to being able to handle the truth and will most likely sit down and make out that list.  I just can’t promise that I will untangle and detach all of my emotions when I do.  After all, it is my life I’m talking about.  and in my opinion, what is a life without some emotions? 

   * paraphrasing the movie lines as I can’t be sure of their accuracy.  Particuarly as I can’t even recall the name of the movie.

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