Once in a while I get sucked into the late night infomercials.  And once in a while I make a purchase.  And there has been an occasion, or two, when I have experienced the proverbial buyer’s remorse, meaning that I realize I have bought a big/small piece of worthless crap that doesn’t look like or do whatever miraculous function the smiling TV liars, urrrr I mean marketers, guaranteed it would.  But before any buyer’s remorse sets in, I have a period of excited-ness and anticipation of the purchase that is sure to make my life easier or my food taste juicier or my food cook faster or my food less greasy or my food digest better or… 

As you might have noticed, I am a sucker for the cooking of food infomercials.  Hey, it’s late at night and thoughts either turn to food or sex and for some reason my seem to turn to sex, urrr I mean food more often.  No, that doesn’t sound right.  I think it’s more that the regular network television stations only air “G” rated infomercials.  In fact, since I am not a cable television subscriber, I do not know if there are “R” or “X” or “XXX” infomercials.  But I digress.

Right before I departed California, I tuned into the last half of a cooking food infomercial and try as I might, I was not able to disuade myself from believing that the two liars/marketers were truly enjoying (with genuine gusto) each bite of their extra flavor packed, exceedingly juicy, most delicious food that was being cooked in the touted miracle machine.  I ordered one.  I had it sent to Alaska.  It arrived before I did.  It is sitting beside me right now.  I am still pretty excited about being its new owner.  But I have not named it yet.  So far I have saved the shipping box (just in case there has been some lying and misrepresentation involved) and read the two recipe booklets (more like pamphlets) and its care instructions.  I have not unpacked the actual miracle machine from its styrofoam appendages. 

But when I do and if my roasted chicken is as delicious and moist and juicy as the TV folks swore it will be, I will tell you the name of the product so that you, too, can be awed and thrilled and well fed.

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