How is it that a person’s name can bring me to my knees?  Completely knock me over by a wall of grief, anger, and bitterness.  I guess it is not so much the name but the memory that floods in when I hear it.  And then again, I have heard the name before and not had the immediate gut wrenching visceral reaction.  I guess what was different last night was that it came out of no where, this name being flung out, and I saw it coming just a millisecond too late. 

This name belongs to a woman, H, who many years ago cut me to the emotional quick and then dug around a little just for good measure.  I was attending my adoptive father’s funeral and in a raw state.  Primed, if you will, or the perfect target for a hate-full intention to find its mark, if you won’t.  H shot her arrow and it found its mark.  I have carried the wound and then the scar since that day and the ensuing days marked with a grief so great that I doubted my ability to remain afloat. 

H re-entered my life several years ago when my adoptive mother died.  She was still packing her bundle of poison arrows and her aim remained dead on.  This time, I did not crumble but I did suffer substantial wounds which are still in the scabbing over stages.  Mostly, I treat them with the salve of denial and fuhgettaboutit. 

Last night, my sister reminded me of her very own set of poison arrows as she took one out of its quiver, dipped it in her fear of closeness and dipped it again in H’s well of spite, took aim, and released it, with mean glee.  My sister is an expert archer. 

This morning I am praying for the wisdom, strength, and forgiveness to release what is not mine   to deny the hunters their prey   and to meet aggression with compassion.  For it is true that I have enough experience with my sister and H to not have walked so close to their hunting ground.  It is also true that I can choose to pull the arrow out, clean and dress my wound, seek spiritual guidance, and move forward.  Today my mantra is ~ I am a strong and forgiving woman and the light of the Universe is with me.  Powerful words.  Powerful mantra. 

My task for the day is to step into this Power and reclaim my center.  Come on junemoon, you can do it  you can do it  you can do it    you can do it    you are strong   you are a woman   you are forgiving     there is a Universal Light.   Come on, this way  junemoon ~

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