Do you ever experience the urge to jump in front of the BART train as it blusters by?  The almost impossible to resist urge.  This urge builds quickly as the two-eyed monster made of steel and glass races closer and closer.  The kind of urge that one must physically turn away from, firmly, and with intention. 

I do. 

I am well acquainted with this urge.  I should be as this sensation passes through me six times per week.  Three times in my morning commute as I make my way into the Big City and three times as I trundle home.  So far, I have held fast even through my disquiet.  I have not given into this impulse.  I will say on my behalf (in definance of my other half) that it takes a concerted effort on my part(s) to turn away.  The degree of my efforts run from merely acknowledging and intentionally turning my back to the oncoming train to a more taxing effort, pivoting only at the last possible second. 

I write this post with hesitance.  thoughts of my soft underbelly pop up.  yet is one truly too vulnerable when occupying the driver’s seat?  or in this case, the writer’s seat?  

I genuinely wonder what others do with such compulsions.   and 

I am curious

if this urge will feel any different now that I have written

out loud

about its presence. 

   ~ [photograph courtesy of Flickr photographer]