This Flickr photograph was titled Lonely Day and today I can relate.
My mind has been full of deep contemplative existential thoughts musings considerings as I have gone about my day here at the Attic. I have been particularly aware of my alone-ness and several times twinges of lone-liness have snuck up and claimed me.
I just finished reading several blog entries by a very bright beautiful interesting and did I mention smart – professor of psychology whom I have been getting to know these past eight months. As I tend to do with smart people, women mostly, I slipped into the tired old game of comparison and as always when I play in that playground, I invariably lose.
As I read the brightbeautifulinteresting woman’s words, the meanings and content were drowned out by that incessant internal voice which quickly grew loud enough to mask the thinking part of me. This voice stridently insistently and accusingly asked me, in rapid fire fashion – why aren’t you as well read, well spoken, well written, thoughtful, further along your educational/career path – who do you think you are that you could be this brilliantbeautifulwellwritten woman’s colleague?
I’ll call the blogger by the initials CY for now. CY emailed me to thank me for encouraging her to post some new entries during our shuttle visit yesterday and to say ‘you’re it – now you post (on her site).’ I will, eventually, once I climb up out of the pit of comparison and lowered self-esteem…
On a brighter note, I have a pot of pinto beans simmering on the stove as I write. My tummy is sounding a louder and louder alarm, reminding me once again, of my mere mortal status.