Well night before last, I received an email from my current dissertation chair recusing herself from her position. She does not believe in trauma theory and believes I will be “happier” with a chair who does. She is correct.

As fate and feelings would have it though I felt oddly and unexpectedly bereft for a few moments upon reading the email. As pathetic as it may sound, and as much of a nut job (truly) that my now former chair is, I did always feel like she was in my corner so to speak; on my side at school at least. She has a good heart. Although one of my other classmates who has been coaching me with my dissertation tells me that she (former chair) is not to be trusted. Ahhh, the world of good old academia…

Anywho. Yesterday I began my active search, once again, for a dissertation chair and a second reader (which I never had secured). I’ve sent out two emails and a phone call has been placed to another potential prospective candidate(s).

I am really ready to get going working with my committee so I hope I can figure out who these members will be and soon.

My classmate and SO are concerned that my topic of racism will potentially be “too much” for the SOB’s at my school to entertain. I say bring it on. If there is one thing I have learned, and continue to learn, in this life time it’s that true courage means speaking truth to power. I have spent my life doing just that, on many many occasions – speaking my truth and sometimes the plain simple truth (of any variety) to the powers who be. Sometimes I’ve gotten knocked down for my efforts. Sometimes I’ve been spat at (literally – First Gay Pride march in Anchor Town, AK). Sometimes people have joined me, stood with me. But, I’ve learned not to expect others to join with me and to certainly not wait until they do to say what needs to be said to power.

I acknowledge my courageousness here not as an ontoward pat on the old back but as a truism. My core self can use some self-affirmation today. Because sometimes the speaking of truth leaves one very very tired and oft times alone.