My excited anticipation of picking up my new eyeglasses today turned into a disappointing and frustrating experience. It’s never a good sign to be told ‘I need to talk to you about your glasses, but I’ll wait until you get here.’

Me: Are they ready for pick up?

CSR: Well, yes and no.

Me: Is there a problem?

CSR: Well, yes and no.

Me: What? Is there a problem?

CSR: Well, uh, it turns out that your frames are stainless steel and uh uh. You can’t tell until you’re popping the lenses in or out of uh – those kinds of frames. Well, the bottom line is that your new lens is chipped.

Me: What do you mean chipped?

CSR: Well, it’s those stainless steel frames… I mean I apologize but really you can’t tell until you’ve uh uh already broken, ur I mean chipped them. But you can come pick them up and I’ve already ordered another set of lenses that you can come back and pick up next Friday.

Me: You’re right. I guess I just need to see what you are talking about. I’ll be there in five minutes.

Five minutes later in Dr. Wong’s office.

CSR: Okay here you go.

Me: Looking in disbelief at my new $339 lenses which are indeed, BOTH, chipped all along the top and bottom. Okay, what happened here?

CSR: Well, like I told you – it’s chipped.

Me: It? You mean both lenses, right? They’re chipped, bad.

CSR: Umm, yes I see that. But you can have them and come back next week when the new ones are in and we’ll pop those out and pop the new ones in, okie dokie?

Me: No. Not okie dokie. I am not taking these glasses. Would you wear these for a week if you were me?

CSR: Slight pause that grows into a long pause. Well, no I don’t think I would.

Me: So, just keep those now worthless lenses and please put a rush on the new ones. Also, what is going to prevent the new lenses from chipping when you’re popping them in?

CSR: Good luck, I hope (laughing, nervously). Meanwhile, since you’re here why don’t you check the vision on the new lenses?

Me: Putting on the glasses. Okay. Something is really wrong here. Everything is blurry. These are worse than my old prescription!

CSR: Let me take a look. Very long pause and nervous looking about. You’re right. It is the wrong prescription. I’m very sorry.

Flash forward to the present moment.

ME: Why? Where are the eye spectacle Goddesses when you need them? And seriously, why? and a serious, What?