Worry. 

I am a worrier.  I think I may have grown up that way as I definitely have memories of childhood worries.  fullblown worries.  justifiable worries or maybe they were justifiable woes.  Whichever, worrying has definitely worn a well trod path through my body and psyche. 

I am not sure what benefit(s) worrying provides.  Motivator?  Problem solving, brain storming technique?  Worse case scenario provider to help provide reality perspective?  Entertainment?  The answer may be all of the above when worrying is minimally applied and motivation is kick started quickly or the worst case scenario game brings rapid relief.  For me though, I seem to use the maxim of if a little is good, then lots will be better and/or apply maximum pressure. 

As a result of overuse, worrying has become a habit.  an established state of being which organically invites anxiety ~ but today, anxiety is a separate discussion topic.  I firmly believe that people have an innate drive to move toward wholeness and health.  As a result, we do something more than once, only if it works in some fashion that seems helpful (i.e., helps us self soothe, removes us from a painful situation). 

Sometimes things fall off the tracks later by the repetitive use of a coping strategy but the strategy initially was introduced to help ourselves and that must be acknowledged and an internal dialogue of sorts initiated.  Otherwise, our interior self(ves) will simply yank the strategy, in my case worry, right back  repeatedly.  and the worrying will increase because my inner self is striving to help me deal with my life and does not yet know that I want to employ a different strategy. 

Therein lies the current rub.  I have not come up with an alternative method of coping with my life’s worries and without the new plan, I cannot realistically ask my core self to let go of the worry.  Now I know I am Dr. junemoon now and I know lots of techniques that I encourage clients to consider.  But there is another saying that says something like this a doctor who has themself as a patient has a fool for a patient (or no maybe that was an attorney and a fool for a client…).  Maybe mine is more like, shrinking oneself out seldom works. 

What has me going down this path of worrying dissection is this ~ how many of my worries earlier this month have come to a conclusion and of those, how many were helped by my worrying.  Interesting.  at least to this worrier who is looking to reform my worrying vice.