You are currently browsing the monthly archive for January, 2008.
Did anybody else catch American Idol last night? Particularly the part where Paula Abdul chided the male contestant for having a ‘heavy’ accent. She later reinforced her mandate when hugging him by saying something to the effect of ‘really, you know, go work on the accent, really.’ Am I the only one saying WTF? Is the message to the contestants and to the viewing public that an American Idol cannot have an accent? or just certain accents. Would Paula have encouraged the losing of a British accent or a French accent? Was her point that she couldn’t understand what the contestant was saying because of his ‘heavy’ accent? or was it that an American Idol simply cannot have an accent period? But hey, that makes no sense. We all have accents, right? I can see some of my friends shaking their heads right about now as they say ‘no’ or ‘lighten up, it’s just a stupid TV show’ or ‘well, he was hard to understand.’
I think Paula, and the show’s producers, blatantly endorsed intolerance and went far to maintain the White American status quo. Some of you may know what I think about status quo [see earlier post 'Life Vests Required' filed under poem/racism]. Having endured years of speech therapy as a child to lose my accent – I say to that contestant – keep singing your heart out guy and whatever you do, don’t lose the accent – it’s an integral part of your personhood.
So these are some of the thoughts that are popcorning up in my head this morning as I work along on the last chapter of my dissertation. At least my blood is pumping through my veins and I am energized to continue fighting the fight.
Dissertation proposal approved!
No need to say a whole lot more to convey the meaning.
~ [image courtesy of Google images]
When a light is turned off
when a light goes out,
we stand in a darkness
of sorts
before someone reaches out
and pulls the chain
connected to a new light
source.
@junemoon 2008
A day
filled
all the way to the top
with intended significance
focus
and
desire ~
O My.
Dee lis ee oh.
@junemoon 2008
Life seems to be between me and my little blog and the latter has been languishing in the corner of late. This morning, she/it/he let me know that it’s lonely in the corner. I understand.
Although the projects on my desk are currently demanding the lion’s share of my attention and focus, I can assure you ~ my blog ~ that your sitting in the corner is temporary. And before I totally buy into your little pity party, Blog, who relegated you to the corner? After all, you live in the Universal Land of Blogs and could go out and about and meet a few new friends. Okay. Okay. You’re right, yes, you would need some assistance. I ask you though, now that you have my attention, is this really the conversation that you want to be having? Alright, if you insist. Here you go ~ mea culpa mea culpa. But I must reveal to you that I am not Catholic so the phrase doesn’t come with as high a quotient of guilt.
Blog, enough about you. Back to me.
I continue putting one foot in front of the other, one typed word on the laptop screen, one cite added to my working reference list, one paragraph cut from the draft, with more pages to go. I am closer to the finish line than where I started.
coming down to the wire
counting down the days
rolling ’round the bend
heading for the finish line.
* *
balance-ing act on a wire
a thin, and potentially, artery severing
wire
strung high above the solid ground.
stretched thin ~ that wire and
me.
@junemoon 2008
Time to loosen my death grip on faith,
I think I may have killed this batch.
Death of faith by strangulation.
* *
Palms open facing the heavens
let me try this exercise
one
more time.
Prayer No. 151,212.
@junemoon 2008
another nor’wester is about to hit the Attic and me. Yup. Another winter rain storm is slated to bluster in just about now, bringing with it more rain, thunder and lightening, and strong gusts of invisible air currents. As for me, I think my inner spirit is sturdy enough to withstand this mighty barrage.
The New Year’s Eve midnight knowing that I wrote about on the first, remains with me and has me feeling capable of doing what is needed toward my goal of finishing my dissertation and this degree. In fact, this inner confidence encompasses my postdoctoral search as well. After all the gnashing of teeth, biting of fingernails, and heartburn that I put myself through these past months, I will say that this current knowing is like a respite in the storm.
This knowing that I speak of is not an overly fed ego, cocky on too much unearned bravado. Nor does it resemble empty pie in the sky (what exactly does that mean?) grandiose dreams. This knowing just is ~
Even in the moments when I can feel a freak out about to ignite, brought on by a ‘how do I’ or ‘how can I’ or ‘is there really enough time’ or a ‘I don’t think my dissertation committee really believes I can finish by April 1st.’ What is relievingly absent from these potentially upsetting thought loops is the self doubt, the disbelief in my worthiness of earning this degree. Gone are the self recriminating put downs of ‘who do you think you are that you could earn a doctoral degree’ and ‘any minute now, someone is going to discover you don’t belong’ and ‘you’ve done it now, you’ve gone too far.’ These thoughts are what my second reader on my committee aptly calls the imposter syndrome.
I am no imposter. I am here for the duration, armed with knowledge, experience, and wisdom and prepared to stand strong through the storms. I am a hearty soul.
When I move from this Attic space, I will most definitely miss the skylights. Two in particular and one more than the other. The favored skylight faces west toward the bay. An evergreen tree towers above it, providing protection and a resting place for a myriad of birds. Through this skylight, the full moon shines so brightly that it has been known to awaken visitors sleeping in what has been fondly dubbed the Heidi Alcove. Readers of children’s books, may remember the tale of Heidi who went to live with her grandfather in the Swiss Alps and often slept on a bed of hay in a little alcove. Well our Attic alcove is a cozy little spot and the best part of the alcove is this skylight. I have spent many nights sleeping in this alcove just so I can gaze up and through the glass into the night sky.
It is through this skylight that I have enjoyed many a fireworks display being shot off at San Francisco’s Embarcadero area. I watch them above the trees and the roof tops and feel like a favored viewer during the entire spectacular show. And, Mother Nature seems to never be out done by human inventions as She regularly puts on the richest and brightest sunsets ~ all viewed through the Attic’s skylight.
During the storms that we are currently experiencing, it is humbling and gratitude inducing to both hear and see the huge fat raindrops and later the white balls of hail bounce off the glass overhead. The evergreen danced around and around and up and down but remained rooted, thank goodness.
Praying comes easier in this little alcove than anywhere else in the Attic and I have attributed this fact to being granted a little view into the heavens through this beloved skylight. When I am lying underneath this roof window there have been times when I felt both visible and part of the Universe above me. comforted and quieted. seen and accepted.
and what a rain storm it has been that has buffeted the Attic’s windows and skylights for the past 12+ hours. The high strong winds and harder gusts precipitated (no pun intended) a power outage that thankfully lasted for only 4+ hours. So I did what any sick with a sinus and chest cold person would do, I hunkered down and snuggled under my duvet, waking only to swallow the next round of cold meds.
Maybe when I poke my head out the next time the storm will have passed and my cold will be gone.
