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Ever hear that saying “life gives us what we need, when we need it?” or “Life is full of serendipity?” Well I agree that life does (sometimes at least) and that it is (more times than naught).
I’ve been thinking a lot lately on the subject matter of role models and mentors in one’s life – how to go about finding them, being astute enough to recognize them when they come around, their profound effect(s) – often times throughout the entire course of one’s life, the lessons and wisdom they offer, and the fact that one can never tell where and when they will crop up or in what form – meaning that sometimes they’re like family, we often times don’t get to pick them.
Anywho, as I rattled about yesterday in the Attic doing a little of this and a little of that and a lot of procrastination (big time on the procrastination), I tuned into the television program I had turned on (having it on helps greatly in the procrastinating department). What caught my eye was the moderator from Comics Unleashed – I knew I recognized him from somewhere but couldn’t recall right away from where. By the time I had placed him, I was listening to his interview with Shaquile O’Neal, the 7′3″ basketball player.
Shaquile was talking about his work with kids and how his parents had encouraged him from a very young age to set goals. The interviewer asked Shaquile if he saw himself as a role model and he responded (and I’m paraphrasing here) – ‘I don’t view myself as a role model in these kids’ lives because I don’t play a role; I see myself as a real model because when I’m with the kids I am real.’ Cool.
I like that idea.
And then on this blog yesterday after my admission of losing in the comparison game that I had been playing, a dear friend reminded me of my importance in her life. And more importantly she took the time to tell me. I needed her reminder and I read and re-read her words, several times.
I was reminded of Gary Zukov’s theory (once again paraphrasing) that the Earth is a school and that we are each teachers and students to one another, simultaneously. To me this means that we each have the opportunity to lead and to be led, to teach and to learn, to share and to receive, to mentor and be mentored, and to love and be loved. Cool.
I like that idea.
This Flickr photograph was titled Lonely Day and today I can relate.
My mind has been full of deep contemplative existential thoughts musings considerings as I have gone about my day here at the Attic. I have been particularly aware of my alone-ness and several times twinges of lone-liness have snuck up and claimed me.
I just finished reading several blog entries by a very bright beautiful interesting and did I mention smart – professor of psychology whom I have been getting to know these past eight months. As I tend to do with smart people, women mostly, I slipped into the tired old game of comparison and as always when I play in that playground, I invariably lose.
As I read the brightbeautifulinteresting woman’s words, the meanings and content were drowned out by that incessant internal voice which quickly grew loud enough to mask the thinking part of me. This voice stridently insistently and accusingly asked me, in rapid fire fashion – why aren’t you as well read, well spoken, well written, thoughtful, further along your educational/career path – who do you think you are that you could be this brilliantbeautifulwellwritten woman’s colleague?
I’ll call the blogger by the initials CY for now. CY emailed me to thank me for encouraging her to post some new entries during our shuttle visit yesterday and to say ‘you’re it – now you post (on her site).’ I will, eventually, once I climb up out of the pit of comparison and lowered self-esteem…
On a brighter note, I have a pot of pinto beans simmering on the stove as I write. My tummy is sounding a louder and louder alarm, reminding me once again, of my mere mortal status.
This little puppy in the above Flickr photo is giving me the impression that he has the best idea of how to spend my day. Oh alright, I am just using his little sleeping canine face as another excuse (yes, I have a long list of them) to procrastinate attending to my Friday’s To Do List.
On an aside, I am wondering how many of you reading this blog ever go out and about running your daily errands without brushing your face or washing your teeth or combing your hair (although yours truly’s hair doesn’t need to be brushed given it’s very short length). Ooops. I guess I gave myself away – yes, I have been known to go into public domains, un-toiletry (not to be confused with actually going to the toilet) attended. Do you?
Usually this going about ungroomed invites running into people I know and being glad that I took the time to at least suck on a Listerene strip on the way to my errand destination. That is another plus, I guess, to living in a BC – the odds of my unexpectedly encountering an acquaintance is low and of seeing a friend, even lower.
Back to what I am filling my day with – I think I can safely count on myself to commit to cooking up a pot of pinto beans, organic ones no less, with some onions – yellow and red, garlic, coarse salt, and maybe a little bacon. Oh and to be able to cook or do anything in the Attic’s kitchen today will entail some dishwashing…
There’s always my disser work but for some reason today I am fighting the tide.
Okay enough minutia – onward to the real deal of life. Hot water and green apple scented Dawn dish detergent, here I come.
Tomorrow is Earth Day and there are lots of local celebratory events. Our little Saturday Farmer’s Market has an annual Earth Day fair with lots of artisan vendors, entertainment, and food booths along side the usual market vendors.
As the SO and I were on our way to this fair, we came upon a GS where the SO purchased five puzzles (score for him!) and yours truly’s take away treasures included an oval shaped birchwood multi-tiered jewelry box for two bucks (double score!) and a pair of Docker pants (which unfortunately are too small for me right now) for one buck. We had to haul our loot home and then head back out again for the Earth Day festivities.
The backtracking was well worth it even on a cloudy rain spattering blustery Saturday. I was reminded of the good things that this cityscape offers – a diverse population out walking, biking, boarding, and scootering about with bags (recyclable of course) of fresh veggies, fruit, and flowers and free events with live entertainmnet.
The fair was bigger than I remember it being last year and the SO and I shared a falafel wrap that was deLish. There were lots of jewelry artisans and I did my best to take mental snapshots of some of the designs to share with my jewelry creator friend this summer. I am continually amazed and in awe of people’s creativity. My discovery that was too good to pass up was a pink pearl necklace with a medium sized oval rose moonstone pendant with dangly earrings. They are lovely and I am wearing them even while I describe them.
The SO and I both needed a bit of fun to lively up our day as this past week has held its own bit of stress and concerns. My clients have been greatly affected by the Virginia Tech incident – racial backlash issues, heightened awareness of mortality, and a lessened sense of safety.
Alright, already. What is the Universe trying to tell me? What exactly am I turning a deaf ear to? What? What? and Why?
I could be accused of many things in this life time, but being a kltuz and doing ’stupid’ physical things is usually not part of my repetoire. Usually.
Recently, I have hurt myself – bad – twice. A month ago you might recall that I popped my left knee out of its socket – completely. Well, tonight I burned the everliving Hell (pun intended or not) out of my left hand – blisters and all. And how, might you ask, did I accomplish these quite painful results? Well, I will tell you that it all began with my deciding to ‘treat’ my SO and myself with some food comfort aka homemade chicken soup.
Well, I successfully and skillfully (if I must say so myself) cooked up a pot of delish, delightful and, of course, Comforting, soup.
In my zeal to share my comforting concoction with the SO, I managed to burn the everliving CRAP out of my palm and back of my Left hand. Lovely. Ouch. and tears and Ouch, again. I am not a’kidding. When blisters appear, immediately, a burn is never a fun or good thing.
The SO swears that the soup was tasty. And for that unbiased review, I am grateful. Sort of.
Most of all, I am in pain.
How can spilling a small amount of Comforting Chicken Soup on one’s hand equal so much displeasure?
silently thought
or
out loud spoken.
Topicsubjectmatter categoryor tag.
boys / men / their silence / our demand for their \ silence / consequence / rage / a life unknown.
Why?
male elephants in a herd led by a matriarch / elephant / even they send their boys / into exile // between the tender ages of 10-14 / which is really quite young when one / considers / elephants live for 50+ years.
they / the boy
elephants / often times / do not / thrive when \ left \ on their / own.
I think that means they / the / boys / die // early / sometimes /.
Other topics.
Boys / men / vulnerable.
//
© Jung Leehi 2007
topic, that is, and write about it. That’s the advice I gave myself this morning when trying to decide which, of many, subjects I would blog about following my long absence.
So as the photo suggests, I have chosen the very important one of nail polish colors – how to choose the best one to suit your particular mood, what brands wear the longest without chipping or peeling, and how to protect nails from polish remover (can’t be done, in my estimation).
Following a 6-9 month hiatus from wearing polish for almost 10 years, I chose Revlon’s Night Light, Color Beam Sheer, shade. I usually avoid Revlon polish as it hasn’t worn as long as other brands, but there is a woman whom I’ve gotten to know on the BART commute who inspired me with her cool nail color. She couldn’t remember the name of the color but said it was a Revlon product. Scintilating subject, huh?
Well I have found that painting my nails again has helped me cope with life in the present. Don’t ask me why because I couldn’t really explain it. What I do know though is that life feels a bit more ‘normal’ when I get a flash of my hand adorned with the soft glowy lavender tinted nails.
Go figure.
I have returned to the Attic from spending time with my SO and his family as they shared their good-bye process following his father’s death. My take-away from that process is that Minnesotans eat a lot of bbq’d meat – pork, beef, and chicken. Plus, everyone agrees that Walleye fish, which is on every menu in some form, have too many bones.
But seriously, where do we go after we die? Is there a life hereafter? I think I liked it better when I blindly believed that there was a heaven. Now, it’s not so much that I totally dis-believe in the heaven deal – it’s more like I just don’t know. And that feels unsettling.
Maybe I’ll slap on another coat of Night Light…
Yes, it is true. In the midst of life’s major events, mundane tasks continue to require attention and action. Today, in the Attic’s (and thus my) case, this means some serious “down and dirty” (pun intended) elbow grease, spit-and-polish, sweating-like-a-pack-mule – housecleaning. And I am not a-kidding.
So far, I have a load of laundry going – which given my still healing knee, is no small accomplishment. The washer/dryer are three flights down – and once down there, yours truly has to come back up – three flights. Lovely. Not. More like Ouch.
Sometimes though when big events occur, I find I want to fashion some kind of order. Take control of some little corner of my life and I would say that cleaning up a pig pen, urrr I mean my Attic, fits that bill.
One of life’s Big Events is that my SO’s father died yesterday morning. The whole family, including my SO, were able to be by his bedside for the passing and for that, they are all grateful. This is the first death/loss in my SO’s life of someone close to him and I am holding him and his family in my heart as I go about my cleaning and other activities today.
I thought of my SO’s mom last night, going to bed alone for the first time in years and years. They had been married for 61 years and had known one another for 70. Can you imagine?
So I am creating some order here at the Attic today as I mull over those existential questions and thoughts – where does one go after ‘here,’ is there a soul, is it hard to go…
often times require departures.
Leave taking,
so to speak.
Heartbreaking
for those left
behind.
I am curious
where the road
or the sky
or the heavens
or the quiet solitude of the open ocean
leads us
when we
each,
on our own,
make
our
departure.
© Jung Leehi 2007
